Tuesday, 04 October 2011
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"I lost my faith in the summer time 'cause it don't stop raining."
Losing my faith has been very trying.
I thought for a long time that the existence of a god was unlikely, but I always thought that I needed to believe in something to keep my sanity. So I tried to make myself believe there was some grand purpose to life, and I even started going to church again.
But I reached a point after my grandfather died where I could no longer believe in a deity that would allow such a caring person to suffer so much before they die for no reason. I could either go on hating the deity I was trying to believe in or just face the fact that there is no god. No one's caring for us, and there is no big plan for us. There was no "god's reason" for his suffering. That's just life, and life is unfair.
"God is dead" as Nietzsche would say, but believing in nothing is not that easy. I became very depressed for a long time. Every day it seemed like I'd have a tiny mental breakdown just trying to think about it all. I'd cry myself to sleep every night.
Now I've come to accept my purposeless life. I believe that in doing so that I can better enjoy the individual moments of my life instead of waiting for something important to happen. Every part of my life is important because, in the end, it's all I have.
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Comments (5)
Very well said. Enjoy the present moment instead of worrying about the future.
Everyone has lost someone, it doesn't mean there is no higher power.
@mycontinuity - That's your belief, and I respect it.
i've been where you're at.. for a prolonged, excruciating 4 year period. Keep searching, honestly. Theres too much to gain and too much to lose to give up. Thats what kept me going. That, and hope. I'm not bullshitting u either. Keep searching, tell God your doubts and struggles.. even if its simply that you don't know if he is real. I'm not forcing anything on u or whatever, I'm just trying to encourage u. Sometimes we can't see the trees when we're in the forest, an all those other analogies.